I excitedly called Shetty up to tell him to meet me in 10 minutes outside his apartment. He might have wondered how I could make it to his place in 10 minutes flat, what with me having to walk to the rickshaw stand, get a rickshaw, tell the rickshawvalla to get to the mental hospital (hmmm.... you don't seem to be surprised) and then reach Shetty's place. The entire ordeal took 20 minutes at least.
But there I was sitting right opposite Shetty's apartment on my new Kinetic Zoom (which from now on I will be referring to as "bike" :) ) in 10 mintues flat. Shetty's eyes beamed when he saw the handsome bike (really guys... it's a bike... it had automatic gears!). We weren't boys anymore... we were men with a bike! (please guys.. it IS a bike...Shetty, back me up here... ok.. its not an ACTUAL bike... but its no less.. it weighed 101 kgs!). We then zoomed off like free birds on the bike (guys really.. you got to believe me... it is a BIKE.. IT IS A BIKE!!!!! Ok.. actually its not.. You win!!)
Shetty and I have had some interesting times on this Kinetic bike like thing. We got attached to it sooner than we thought. The first thing I remember is Shetty's theory of relativity. Shetty had this irresistible urge of bending as much as he could in the opposite direction of the turn I was just about to take. For a right turn he bent left, for a left he bent right; to the extent that he could graze his nose on the ground. The explanation was simple. "I am trying to balance". Of course because of this balancing circus act we always ended up going in a straight line.
In fact, I realise now, I was just a joystick who was riding the bike. I was/am not the best person to be asked directions to. Shetty would give directions from behind. I was like his very own Playstation. The problem was that Shetty has a Magellan gene inside him. He had this curiosity to "explore", in his very own words. While Magellan succesfully explored huge pieces of land and sea, we explored innumerable dead ends and some of the worst smelling municipality garbage cans.
Shetty and I met Ankit outside Shetty's saree shop (Vaishnavi Silks - The temple of fashion). I think the kinetic was a day old then. Ankit told me he wanted to ride the bike. I asked him for any experience with two wheelers. I didn't need any further convincing after he told me confidently that he had ridden his Uncle's Bajaj scooter in Calcutta. He got onto the bike. I have a 2 seconds memory lapse after that. The only thing I do remember is Ankit being stuck up against a wall which was like 10 metres from where he started, alongwith the bike. Ankit and his fetish for multitasking. He was pressing the brakes alright but he was also accelerating with the other hand. I went into a deep frozen state while I saw the wall being molested by Ankit and the kinetic together. Shetty ran towards the most miniature accident mankind has ever seen while shouting "Annnkkiiiiiittt!". He held on to the stepni and tried to make the bike stop. How I missed Rajnikanth then. "Leave the accelerator Ankit!!!! LEAVE THE ACCELERATOR", Shetty shouted. Somehow after the wall suffered a lot of bruises, Ankit managed to stop with Shetty's help. I slowly walked to the place as if I was entering a morgue. Shetty asked Ankit if he was alright. Ankit looked at Shetty and me and then the killer dialogue "Ye dekh kya ho gaya tere bike ko bachate bachate (Look what happened to me in the process of saving your bike)", showing us a scratch on his elbow. Shetty asked me if I had a magnifying glass.
Next day, we went to play badminton. We were in this compound with an open space. Another guy asks for a ride. I looked at Shetty, closed my eyes and handed him the keys. There were about 10 people watching. This guy gets onto the bike and heads for the only place in the compound with gravel. Not only that, he thinks it wouldn't be inappropriate to go for a 45 degree turn right in the centre of the gravel. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened right after. He fell in slow motion. I went back to my frozen state. Shetty started running again, but this time shouting "KIIIIIINETIIIIIC!". After blood flow resumed in my body, I walked slowly to the place where Shetty was picking up the kinetic with sympathetic eyes. I looked at the guy who was then dusting the gravel off his shoulders. He of course did what any other guy in his position would do. He scolded me for not keeping any napkins in the storage box.
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