IGNORANCE IS BLISS

BHAT. If you have Bhat in your life you don't need enemies, but that's for other people cos I know at least my life would have been a lot duller if not for him. He has tried all his antics possible on me so much so that I have become as immune as chirag is to hair straighteners(curly hair guys). We became friends 7 years quite coincidently but things hit off like house on fire. When I say immune I can proudly say I am one of the few who can handle him around without begging god for forgiveness and a new found belief in karma.

But there is one thing that stumps me..which has for a long long time.. It's the ease with which he makes people confess their darkest secrets... all of them being embarrassing moments in their lives… And then he tortures them with me most of the time. Believe me he makes it a point they don't forget it ever...and surprisingly the cycle continues even as I write.

One of them has been Chirag..(heheheheeheheheh). Chirag has been a victim innumerable times. But there is one incident which stands out..even for bhat it stands out .. I needed a separate blog to write it..

CHIRAG.. He likes to be different so he didn't go through the same chain of events as any teenager would...which in turn lead to a lot of ignorance and misconceptions.. And he didn't have any qualms in coming to us to clear them. For us, when it comes to pure fun even your best friend is your enemy ... We cant get emotional on that.. it's the foundation of our friendship..

This was six years back.. One evening Bhat was relaxing at home thinking about how he will ambush this guy in college and get his bottle of boiled water and empty it.. I was home thinking whether the guy with the bottled water will take the same path as that everyday so that things became simpler for us.. Chirag was home trying to solve one the biggest mysteries possible.. He had spent quite a few sleepless nights thinking about it. Who would be the best person to ask this question to? He was at the borderline of desperation he gave up the thought of calling Sherlock Holmes and picked the better option (or so he thought) of calling Bhat (I still don't get it guys!).

Bhat answers ..they go through the usual pleasantries which got Bhat excited...he knew he was going somewhere real solid and absolute bliss... He sensed a tinge of nervousness in Chirag's quivering voice. Foreseeing that Chirag might back out of whatever that he had called him for, he hit the hammer right away.

"Hey Chirag is everything alright? What's wrong yaar?!", Bhat asked with a concern which would put mother teresa to shame.

"Err hmm.. nothin yaar.. I was thinking of asking you something........ but…"

"Yah go on Chirag", said Bhat sounding as understanding as possible (Bhat had his prey in sight).....Chirag hesitated, "Err....hmmmm... I don't know how to ask you?"

Bhat's reply, "Chiraag it's me!! ... Come on!", trying to sound surprised and assuring at the same time, a feature of Bhat that all you guys should be aware of.. To emphasize with him more he repeated... "Chirag its just me...you can talk about anything to me ...what are friends for man!", while mumbling a silent prayer with a smile. Chirag slipped. He took a long enough breath to be audible through the phone. Bhat was sure he would hear Chirag's inscrutable question before he took the next breath.

"Ok Bhat… Promise me you will keep it between us!"

"Chiraaag!", Bhat said. I don't know why Chirag took that as a yes.

" Ok. It's not a big deal yaar.. I just wanted to know what ORAL SEX is?", Chirag mumbled under his own breath..... Bhat's eyes lit up. He paused to digest the moment and but not for long for Chirag to lose confidence in him.

Now a lesser man would have taken an obvious route frome there; by making fun of him right there. Not Bhat. He wanted to squeeze every ounce of juice out of this one.

"What do YOU think it is Chirag", ….. this changed the course all together.

Now Chirag paused. Bhat took control, "Chirag I am asking you cos you may already know what it is. What is the point of me telling you what it is when you already know. In future you won't feel like I have told you.... yaar go on.. it's just me and you..we are old enough to talk about it and not get embarassed... I am glad you brought this up"

"Hmmm… I don't know man……"

Bhat decided to take a final hurl. It was risky, but it was worth a shot. It was what he called crisis control. .. "Chirag, but I must admit, I am surprised that you of all people don't know about this". There was silence. Bhat cursed himself in the head for ruining the entire thing. After 5 seconds he realised he had hit Chirag at the right spot or should I say.. the G spot.

Chirag took another long breath. "I know yaar. Doesn't oral sex mean when you talk about it"

"Talk about what Chirag?", Bhat trying his level best to keep his laughter in his nostrils.

"Dude, when you talk about sex to people its called oral sex right?"

Bhat choked. He had reached the threshold. His reply was classic (with laughter almost strangulating him), "Chirag I will call you back ..I need to speak to Shetty RIGHT NOW!"

"Oh Shit!!!!! Bhat…. You promised…. BHAAAT… Shit… Bhat….", Bhat hung up with Chirag shouting for his life...". Chirag immediately hung up and tried calling me just to hear that my phone was engaged. Bhat took about 10 minutes to tell me the entire thing, the only thing delaying the story was our screaming laughter. I called Chirag right after… "So Chirag… A little birdie told me you had oral sex with Bhat a few minutes back huh!".And he knew he has been scarred for life from then and still wishes he has a time machine..

Bhat is doing his phd.I will do one on Bhat just to figure out wat do they see in him that they bare everything they can.Chirag is a wiser man today .He googles everything since then.And we try to be as careful as possible when talking to him about controversial topics cos we may just be in the middle of some hardcore oral sex.

The day Chirag made this blog for us; he knew this story would come up eventually. I guess I will end this right here. I am little tired with all the "written sex"!