Wednesday, July 2, 2014

VIRGYMS Part 2 - The Inner Voice

Days went by and Shetty and I got more comfortable with the gym. We started getting better at our exercise routine – by our standards. Shetty especially liked the bench press. He would enjoy it thoroughly. The moment the gym gods realised Shetty enjoyed it, they sent in Rennie - stout, 5 feet 5 inches, pimples all over the face, curly hair and thick skin. He came in with a sense of royalty and familiarity. He wasn’t new to this. He had an air of achievement. One wouldn’t give him a second look if seen on the street but when in the gym he was all authority. We glanced at him and continued our thing. 

The moment our eyes turned away, we heard embarrassingly loud groans. With every repetition of Rennie’s heavy arm curl he moaned – “Yeeeeah, yeeees!” The problem was he didn’t stop there. It went to “Oh yeeeah, oh yeeees”. Shetty couldn’t believe this public display of audio porn. I was already flaring my nostrils to cover my smile. That further egged Shetty on. He signalled that he was going outside. I followed. After about 10 minutes of uncontrollable laughter we came back, only to be greeted by louder moans. We were shocked to see that no one in the gym seemed to be bothered by it. We tried to make our peace with it, and thought we possibly found it funny because it was our “first time”. We decided to kill the laughter and continue with the exercise. Shetty got under the bench press. I was waiting behind the equipment just in case as per Kenny’s instructions. Shetty started his repetitions. 1, 2, 3…6…

“DIESEL POWER!!!!”, Rennie the sex craved tiger roared. I noticed Shetty was losing his grip. I told him to concentrate. Shetty closed his eyes and scolded himself for being amused at something completely normal. He resumed – 7, 8, 9….

“BEEYAAAATCH!!!!!” Rennie orgasmed! Shetty’s right hand paralysed. I was down on the floor, literally ROFLing. Shetty half laughing-half scared screamed “Bhat, Bhat help help”. I crawled back up to support Shetty.

“BHEEENCHOOOD!!!!!!!!” Rennie was in no mood to stop. I fell back on the ground. Shetty’s left hand paralysed. With the weight inches away from his neck, Shetty didn’t seem too bothered about his life. Even if he was, you couldn’t have noticed it on his face, which was now red with laughter.

Thankfully Rennie put his weights down, which gave us enough time to recover from our mirth-induced coma. Shetty and I together had the energy of half a man. It’s amazing how much energy laughing takes up. We clumsily managed to put the bench press in place and headed straight to the changing room. Nerves in the neck bloated up to unimaginable proportions! We didn’t think we could stop. Well, we had to. Rennie walked in.


The nerves disappeared as mysteriously as they had appeared. Our colour faded to a dull red before becoming completely pale. Our tongues went dry. He didn’t look at us. He wasn’t here to wring our necks. ‘That’s a relief’, we thought. Hardly did we know then that relief comes with a shelf life. Rennie started undressing. Before we knew it, he was standing with his back in front of us. Even though we could have avoided it (which now concerns me a little bit), our eyes quickly glanced at the only piece of clothing that was covering him. The hardcore gym rhinoceros, made of steel and questionable cravings was wearing underwear that had daffy ducks all over it. Yellow and orange fluff adorned the testosterone filled clothing. We had to get out of there. Laughing in front of him could have been fatal. With our fists on our respective mouths we were out of the gym in no time. Our workout was ruined sure, but if you wanted to spot disappointment on our faces, you’d be disappointed.

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