Kuch bhi mat ball!

Shetty is an exceptional sportsman. He is the best cricket player that I have played with. This would be true even if I had played with Sanjay Bangar, Venkatesh Prasad or Chirag Deshpande. I should also say that Shetty plays with the most casual demeanour. He makes it look extremely easy. We used to play cricket in front of my house in Pratik Apartments. It would very often be Ankit, Shetty, a few other guys from the society and me.

Ankit didn't join us that day. He was watching television at my place in the living room with his characteristic 45 degrees intense look. There were only 4 of us if I remember correctly. Thankfully Shetty decided to keep the wickets as I took guard to face the second fastest bowler in our society, after Shetty.

The bowler started running in. For some reason I was confident of myself that day. Shetty was casually standing behind the stumps. I stood there with my bat grounded. I saw the ball coming towards me. I couldn't believe it. It was the juiciest full length delivery, waiting to be dispatched with arrogance. I lifted my bat high in the air with the foresight of completing the most elegant front foot cover drive. Shetty smiled with the thought of getting to see a very good cricketing shot. I launched into the drive. Shetty launched into a more casual posture with the unconditional belief that his job as the wicket keeper for that delivery was redundant. I was almost there. My bat was ready to scold the ball away. I got my front foot in place and swung hard. I could hear Shetty shout from behind... "Good sho........". He stopped. I missed.

He couldn't complete his compliment. He saw my bat pass an inch away from the ball. How tides change; Shetty was now facing the same ball that I was a few nanoseconds ago. There were 2 distinct differences though. Shetty didn't have a bat in his hand and he was standing full frontal in front of the ball (as opposed to my side posture). He was still in control he thought. All he had to do was catch the ball before it collided with its namesake. He nonchalantly tried to get his hands into catching position. This is when he realised something. Both his hands were dug knee deep into his tight jeans pockets. They were stuck.

The ball was coming towards Shetty with lightning speed. However, God played the reel in slow motion for Shetty. Shetty says today that God has a sick sense of humour; not without experience. Shetty's eyes were bulging. His teeth were clenched. Shetty's not the one to give up. His entire body was squirming in slow motion as he frantically tried to get his hands to the rescue. After a small grunt and a nanosecond later he realised he wasn't going to make it. He gave it one last shot. He let out a huge crying scream just in the hope that his sound waves could make the ball change direction.

One sword can cut 2 others they say. Likewise, one ball can squash 2 others. It happened. Shetty actually flew back because of the impact and fell on his back. The bowler and I ran to him but then stopped. What do we do about this? What CAN we do about this? Shetty crawled to one of the flower beds so that he got some cushioning. God had already thought of another joke. "Red ants, Shetty red ants!!!!", I shouted. Shetty rolled off the flower bed with a "Why me!!" expression. He then crawled up the 7 excruciating steps to my living room but couldn't get up on his feet. Lying on the floor, he saw God there watching television from the corner of His eyes. "Water, water Ankit... please Ankit water... abe Ankit water... Please yaar Water... Ankit listen man... Water", he pleaded while losing water continuously in the form of sweat. God was unmoved, unperturbed. "Ankit please yaar.. please.. Water... water... WATER...", he squeaked. Ankit looked at Shetty. He kept staring at him till Shetty managed to get water on his own and give him a glass too!

Shetty is a changed man today. He has stopped giving the benefit of doubt to anything human on earth or even me for that matter. Also, don't be surprised if Shetty insists to go change into his loose track pants with loose pockets before a chess game. He has reason to believe its better safe than sorry.