C(ass)anovas

"Look at her man!", Chirag nudged me.
"Hmmm", I said.
"I am telling you man! No Hmmm! Ask Bhakti to introduce us".
"Chirag wait yaar. It will be weird to get introduced on Valentine's day man!"
"Thats all the more reason to do it. Dude... its the way you look at it... Come on! I can see she has a friend too... Even you can........"
"No no no no no no..... Chirag.................. NO!"
"BHAT MAN.... Let's do this together.... Please..."


That's all the convincing I needed. I looked around for Bhakti.... she was THE girl you needed if you wanted to get introduced to someone in college. It wasn't really difficult to spot her. She was hanging out with Ankit and a few guys. By then, Ankit was under the firm impression that not attending lectures was somehow meant for the greater good. This was because the only time Chirag and I had pushed him (no really...... PUSHED him) into the lecture hall to get his attendance to > 0%, was when the teacher failed to show up because she apparently fell sick. Since that day, Ankit swore never to attend a lecture owing to the good health of teachers all over the world. Don't worry, you are not the only one choking up.


I didn't feel guilty when I had to interrupt Bhakti's cacophonous high pitched laughter for two reasons. Firstly, Ankit coming up with smart one liners wasn't a rare phenomenon. Secondly, bats deserved to sleep during daytime. Although it was just a formality, I asked her if she knew the girl who was making Chirag sway around a tree with one hand. She obviously did. In 2 minutes she came back with a huge smile on her face. "Alright guys.... they got to go somewhere.. but coincidentally they were checking you out too... I told them you will meet them under that tree at 2 today afternoon... And yes... Chirag... your girl is Shweta.. and Bhat.. Deepa".


1:50 p.m. "Chirag... This doesn't feel right man", my voice box never felt so dry.
"Dude, just follow my lead".
"Chirag.... Its embarassing... It really is..."
"What?!"
"Chirag.. I said its embarassing..."
"Bhat.. Its not embarassing ok............................ Its awkward...."
"So what!!!"
"All I am saying is... embarassing is not the right word for this situation.... Awkward just fits better..."

Looking at Chirag with disbelief while gulping air in, we headed for 'the tree'.

"Bhat really.... Just follow my lead. You don't look comfortable. Let me do the talking...."

Somehow Chirag managed to make me feel a tad bit better. All I had to do was follow Chirag's lead. I was prepared to be led. We could see the girls standing under the tree. I was hoping Chirag would give me one final dose of nonchalant confidence before we went in....

"Bhat... Really.... Trust me on this one... I won't tell you anything just for the heck of it. I am sure awkward fits much better.... "

It was too late to react.... we were there...

The girls smiled. We smiled. Exhales all around.. One shot of inhales for everyone then. Silence. I looked at my leader. Chirag was looking into the horizon with a creased forehead with a concentration of 100 IIT students. I didn't know what to do. I rubbished the idea of duplicating the expression. 'Give him some time to get into his groove', I thought. I looked at him again. He had his hands dug up into his jeans pockets. Neck jutted out. Blowing puffs of air at regular intervals. Looking left and right... never looking at ..... Shweta was she? I don't know what the girls were doing because I, the casanova, was looking at Chirag. After I saw Chirag stand up on his toes and then back down for about 60 long seconds, I thought I had to do something. I had to save the situation. With that firm resolve, I turned back and started walking to base camp. In the subdued confusion, I forgot to tell Chirag I was leaving. After about 10 seconds when he thought he had made the entire horizon towards his left blush, he turned to his right to discover I wasn't there. After making a small 'mmch' noise, he turned back and ironically followed me.

We reached the canteen area with an expression as if Mahatma Gandhi had slapped us. Bhakti welcomed us with naughty eyes. Jabbing our shoulders and ruffling our hair she goes.... "SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..... How did it goooooooooooooooo... huh huh huh huh huh..... " while punching our stomachs. We looked at each other; and then we told her. NOW her punches actually started hurting. "Wh.......................y? Go back.... go back RIGHT NOW.... ".

We were on the dreaded path once again. "Bhat... I am feeling more confident now... This time.. I got it... Just follow my lead... ", Chirag said. My emotions were as clueless as Shetty was during his Bangalore CET written Kannada test.

I have to hand it to those girls. They were still there... standing under Bodh Gaya. As soon as we reached the place... Chirag went back into his 'What the hell is happening... As if I care.." posture. Someone had got to say something. Anything. ANYTHING.

"Which stream?", I asked. I really should have let Chirag say something. "Which stream?" it seems. All credit to Deepa, she was kind. She told me she was from Arts with a pleasant smile. I felt more comfortable. I looked at Chirag. He was trying to move a small stone 20 metres away with his eyes. Deepa and I spoke for about 2 minutes about stuff that only great conversations are made of. Our 10th standard marks - itemised subject wise. All this while, Shweta was trying hard to make eye contact with Chirag. Chirag was too busy figuring out whether the metal object he made contact with in his pocket was a 50 paise coin or a 5 rupee coin.

Meanwhile, the conversation between Deepa and me was steering to unimaginable flirtatious directions - our caste. It turned out we were both originally from South India. She asked where in South India I was from. I told her I was born and brought up in Bombay but my dad is from Karnataka. She told me where her parents were from. The conversation was getting too hot to handle. But Deepa was unstoppable... She asked me which SPECIFIC part of Karnataka I was from. Attention to detail I tell you. I told her I was from Udipi. I was just about to shed my inhibitions and get downright dirty by asking her what her surname was when Chirag unslumbered.

The first 2 words that Chirag uttered for Shweta were probably the most weird 2 words he would have ever asked a person upfront. In a suavely confident and loud manly voice he goes, "WHICH VILLAGE?". I looked at Chirag with 'What?' eyes, 'Why?' hands and a 'How?' pout. 'Awkward' could be used perfectly to describle the 15 seconds silence that followed. I don't know how our conversation ended. I really don't remember.

Well, I just spoke to Chirag and he helped me demystify the end. Yes, we somehow managed to exchange numbers. We didn't have cell phones then. I wrote the numbers in my phone diary (oooo) against the names 'Deepa' and 'Shweta Village'. I remember receiving a couple of calls from Deepa after which, for reasons that I am not going to delve into, I started ignoring them. Chirag and my problems share a sort of a love-hate relationship. He builds them and he solves them. I was at Chirag's place one day when Chirag picks up the phone. It was Deepa.

After looking at my frantic gestures, he managed to tell Deepa that I had just left his place. As he continued talking to her for a bit, I almost felt sorry for pulling Chirag's leg a little too many times. Before I could spank myself as punishment, Chirag hangs up the phone and in his best mischievous voice (and his famous ear to ear smile of course) says, "Dude, I told her to call your place in 15 minutes!".

"Chiraag man... This is NOT cool man...". It didn't come out as serious I had thought because I couldn't help but appreciate the subtleness of the prank. I rushed back home while thinking what to do next. There was only one person who would help me in this situation. Chirag.

I picked up the phone as soon as I got home and dialled Chirag's number. "Chirag, you have to help me.... Please....".

"Ya ya I know. I was waiting for your call", he said. We spoke for over two hours till the second call beep stopped beeping. 'Phew!' we both thought. That was close. I thanked Chirag and we hung up proudly. We had everything under control. Nothing can go wrong now. I turned back and felt a huge thud on my cheek. It was my Mom.

"What happened? Why are you slapping me?!!!!"

"What's wrong with you? I forgot my keys.. I have been stuck outside for 2 hours and you haven't been picking up my calls!!!!"

This episode changed a lot of things. We stopped believing in Valentine's Day. Bhakti made Chirag write down "How is it going?" a 1000 times in his notebook, just in case another opportunity arose. My parents cut my allowance and bought a caller id with the profit. What didn't change was Ankit's attendance.

Fake IPL Player @#$!#$#$$^$%&!!#!$#$%@

There’s a new blog that seems to have grabbed the eyeballs. No it’s not this; it’s the Fake IPL player blog. Now the reason why we are spending blog time with this article is that Bhat and me (hopefully Shetty too) believe that it’s shocking to see people enjoying this blog; as Bhat puts it- shockingly shallow.
People love it, Google trends on the blog reports a phenomenal number of visitors in the last month. Now who is this person, the speculation grows. But our point being, we do not see anything amazing in this blog. It’s a mere publicity stint or a cricketer who did not make money from this lucrative sport!!!
The curiosity in me wonders about how this blog in such a short time got so famous. IPL started in mid April, and in 2 weeks the blog gains a fan following in millions. Either this guy has one hell of a marketing mind or is extremely lucky. How many people (assuming this blog is true) will want to screw their careers as well as write weird stuff online without wanting someone to read it?
People, read this blog instead, it has more quality and logic embedded in it.

Yuva!!!

Recently on a Lazy Saturday afternoon, I caught up with a relatively new Hindi movie-Yuva. I had seen the movie when it was released 5-6 years ago but it managed to grab my attention again. The central theme of the movie was young minds in Indian Politics.
With the ongoing general elections, I connected better with the movie’s ideology and hence began a thought process that made me pen this down. I would love to see more young minds in politics; but what really defines a young mind?
As I come across articles that talk about this, it seems as though a Young Mind is a youth in line with what today’s generation’s wants- a 30 year old something in comparison to a 50 year old.
Now this is where my understanding takes a full stop! How does this concept make sense; what I believe India needs is, a politician who can reach out to both the youth and the not so youth.
I love the tag name- largest democratic nation in the world, but it seems as though this has also been a hindrance. In this whole process of adopting the best concepts from the top nations we seemed to have been short sighted. And of course let me not go down the corruption path. Don’t get me wrong but I respect people with Government jobs and I feel for them when I hear that they feed a family on Rs.2-3K per month – which is ridiculous for the amount of tax people pay. If one was to open a local newspaper (online for me) almost every page highlights the gap between the legislation and implementation
Basically I don’t think I care it’s a 30 or an 80 year old politician, I want a better country to live in; and yes I am frustrated!!!